Single mother helps son rise above cerebral palsy - all the way to Harvard University

The 17th-century English poet George Herbert once said: "One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters."

In the case of Ding Zheng, who was born with cerebral palsy in Hubei province and now, in his late 20s, is studying law at Harvard University, the mother, Zou Hongyan, may be worth a thousand schoolmasters and more.

On July 21, 1988, shortly after Ding was born, a doctor at Jingzhou District Hospital told Zou that there was little value in rescuing the baby because he would be mentally disabled or paralyzed.

Her husband said they would give the baby up because he would make their life miserable - words that hurt Zou deeply.

The 25-year-old mother had suffered enough to give birth to the child. She had been carried home several times by her students after fainting while teaching during pregnancy. She had forced herself out of the habit of sleeping late, instead reading poems in the early mornings as prenatal training. She walked a long way to the market to buy fresh vegetables to provide better nutrition for the child in her womb, and she had forced herself to eat even while suffering from severe morning sickness.

But her child was in a life-threatening situation after suffering intrauterine hypoxia - a shortage of oxygen - leaving Zou with a choice of either taking the baby off life support or keeping him on it. Keeping him alive would likely mean she would have a difficult life taking care of a physically challenged and possibly paralyzed boy.

Zou now recalls deciding, "I will not let my boy die! I felt so happy when his little feet gently kicked my abdomen and his heart beat together with mine, like dancing a ballroom dance."

She recalls her husband telling her she was too stubborn to listen to the doctor's advice. He then told her she would be the one to take care of the baby.

Long journey begins

Zou did not change her mind, but began the long journey of rehabilitation for Ding. Zou divorced her husband when Ding turned 10 over their differences about raising Ding.

"Of all the disabilities, I was most afraid that he would be mentally disabled," Zou recalls.

Before the infant was 100 days old, Zou began taking him to Hubei Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine to check his intelligence.

After Ding's birthday-and after continuous treatment - the doctor said the boy's intelligence was normal.

"Nothing was more soothing than the news that my precious boy had normal intelligence," Zou says.

However, due to damaged motor neurons in his cerebellum, Ding had great difficulty with physical activities. He could not hold things until age 1. He learned to stand at age 2. He could walk at 3 and jump at 6. But Zou instilled perseverance in her son and never let him give up.

Ding needed massage treatment three times a week, costing five yuan (about 70 cents) per session. But Zou's monthly salary as a teacher was just over 100 yuan in the 1990s, and she had no insurance covering the rehabilitation.

The family lived in a room of less than 20 square meters. Whenever there was rain, basins and buckets were put on the bed to collect the raindrops.

In order to make a living and treat Ding's condition, Zou took many part-time jobs, including selling insurance after work for five years.

Xiao Daiqi, now 75, was a doctor at the department of pediatrics at Hubei Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine.

"I started to treat Ding Zheng when he was less than 1 year old," Xiao says. "It was because his mother paid special attention to his condition, took him to our hospital for treatment at a very early age and continued his treatment nonstop for over 10 years that he could recover to such a great extent. Early and continuous treatment for cerebral palsy patients is crucial."

Ding put it this way: "My mom has undergone huge hardships to bring me up. When I was young, one time we encountered heavy snow when she took me by bike to the hospital for massage treatment. Suddenly, the bike fell over into the mud. When my mom helped me up, the bike fell down; when she lifted the bike, I fell down. When we reached the hospital, both of us were covered with mud."

Ding says the doctor was moved by Zou's persistence.

"The moments when my child stood up, walked and called me 'Mommy' for the first time are the happiest in my life," Zou says. "It was like receiving a gift from heaven. I feel I'm a lucky mom."

Some might say that Zou has shown her son a lot of "tough love".

Chopstick challenge

Using chopsticks, a skill learned early by most Chinese children, was a tremendously difficult task for Ding because of his illness. Many friends and neighbors urged Zou to allow Ding to quit using them.

"Using chopsticks is a must for Chinese people. If he is the only one who does not use chopsticks at the table, people will be curious. And then he has to explain to everybody that he has cerebral palsy, which will surely hurt his self-esteem," Zhou says.

Under her strict guidance for more than a year, Ding finally learned how to use chopsticks.

Zou tried everything she could to help Ding overcome any obstacles his handicap had created.

"I don't want him to feel ashamed about his condition. ... I ask him to work harder than others, and I have higher requirements for him," she says.

Ding had difficulty holding a pen. So, Zou taught him to draw some shapes with thick bodied pens by holding his hand, and then she gradually switched to thin pens. Even though Ding was weak in his physical movements, he began learning how to read from his mother at age 1, and he knew more than 100 Chinese characters before he was 2.

But Zou neither helped Ding with his homework nor forced him to participate in training courses.

"My mom's catchphrase is, 'Don't ask me questions about your homework, I'm illiterate', which I think is also a kind of educational concept," says Ding, adding that his mother was focusing on instilling good habits in him.

Thanks to his mother's intense nurturing, Ding graduated from Peking University's College of Environmental Science and Engineering. He enrolled in Peking University Law School the same year.

In March last year, after working as a lawyer for a year, Ding was admitted to Harvard Law School.

"In ever dared to apply to Harvard University, but my mom always encouraged me to give it a try. Whenever I hesitate, she is always there guiding me," Ding says.

Mutual respect

As to the education of children, Zou thinks parents should respect their children, and at the same time be prepared to learn new things themselves.

Zou has always treated Ding as an equal and likes to discuss important decisions with him. Ding acknowledges that their treating each other as equals is the foundation of their healthy relationship.

Xie Yingshui, Ding's head teacher at Hubei Wuchang Experimental High School, says: "Ding Zheng's mother is one of the most patient parents I've ever seen, with so many methods to communicate with, and enlighten, her son.

"The boy showed a little bit of a strong personality and tended to stick to his own ideas. There were several small disagreements between us, and Zou would always help her son open up tome."

Zou says: "I've never thought of myself as a great mother. I'm just a mother who would like to achieve continuous progress for her son."

Even though Harvard has provided financial aid for three-fourths of Ding's tuition, the remainder poses a huge burden for the single parent family.

"When I was a kid," Ding says, "I had been expecting to achieve some success by the time I turned 30.Now, I'm 29 and still financially relying on my mom. I want to work harder and make enough money to guarantee my mother a better life."

Xinhua

(China Daily European Weekly 06/02/2017 page18)